


I Could Die A Happy Man I'm Sure

by HeartlessFreedom



Category: Real Person Fiction, The Voice (US) RPF, The Voice RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-22 22:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6096707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartlessFreedom/pseuds/HeartlessFreedom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was inspired by lymle1's fic and wanted a happier ending for our two boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Could Die A Happy Man I'm Sure

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All I Want](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3452621) by [lymle1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lymle1/pseuds/lymle1). 



Blake had never really made it a point to watch The Voice. He felt self conscious enough about how he looked without watching himself on tv. But his free time after the divorce had given him more time than he was used to, and after spending some time replying to fans on Twitter about upcoming tours and wishing happy birthdays and such he still felt bored and restless. He was too tired to do anything worthwhile so he pulled up YouTube on his computer and decided he might as well torture himself in his favorite way by watching some Maroon 5 music videos. Because as bad as it hurt to divorce Miranda, it still hurt him worse when he had ended things with Adam.

That precious month had felt like a dream in some ways. Soft comfortable kisses, steamy sex, and the easy going nature of their friendship had made their relationship so easy. But as much as the media liked to intimate about Blake's first divorce, he wasn't a cheater by nature. He loved Adam, but he couldn't keep doing that to Miranda and he couldn't imagine being able to leave her and Adam leaving Behati and having a successful relationship. He couldn't imagine being a successful country singer in a relationship with a man. 

Later on, after he and Miranda hadn't worked out for multiple reasons, but in part because he couldn't help himself when he was still in love with Adam, Blake realized that he had been foolish. While there wasn't a long list of gay country artists out there, when he took the time to look it up he had been surprised by how many county singers and songwriters had come out and still managed to be successful. One of the articles quoted Ty Herndon as saying that he hadn't thought he could be gay and be in country music, but that now "Nashville is ready." And that it wasn't just Nashville, but Middle America, and Blake had looked at all of the evidence that maybe he could've been with Adam after all and he had felt something break inside himself. 

He loved Adam. He was alone and Adam still had Behati and they were engaged and Blake loved Adam. Blake felt like Adam had somehow managed to move on from him so easily. But in many ways, at the time, Blake had tried his hardest to convince himself that he had moved on as well. That they could go back to friendship and "bromance" and it would be okay. He had laughed and joked and thrown himself into his marriage and the show and very carefully did not let himself be left alone with Adam.

Ever since his divorce though, Blake found new ways to torture himself in the downtime after the show had ended. He would try to distract himself as long as possible, but he always ended up going back to googling pictures of Adam, or listening to Maroon 5's music, and when he was really weak he watched their music videos. Blake figured he had to be about a thousand of the views on the "This Summer's Gonna Hurt Like a MotherF*****r" video. Every time he watched, he felt jealous that so many other people got to see Adam's ass and sad when he remembered what it had felt like to teasingly slap Adam on his ass or grab it or the way it had felt in his hands when they were making love.

That day as Blake watched his way through the music videos he found himself screening through the other recommended videos and started clicking his way through old Voice blind auditions and reminiscing both about the amazing singers he had heard and the fun he had enjoyed with Adam fighting over who the singer should pick. He missed Adam more and more with every video.

He clicked on Deanna's audition and watched it. When it finished he clicked on the button to replay it. He did it again and again until he found himself crying alone on his couch watching something he wished he could take back.

He hadn't known the song when he had heard it, but had focused on the sound of the girl's voice and looked down at the other judge's impressed with the depth of emotion she had conveyed. When he pressed his button, he had been excited by the beauty of her and found himself nodding along with her and noticing her stage presence. When he had seen Adam's chair turn around he had stood in his typical way of saying, "Oh come on! I'm gonna fight you for this one." Deanna had been great and done well on the show with Adam as her coach even if she hadn't completely made it to the end.

But when Blake watched her audition again, he saw something he hadn't noticed when he was busy focusing on his job. He knew that it had been shortly after he and Adam had ended things, but when he watched the audition he saw the way Adam looked as he heard the song. He looked sad in ways Blake hadn't know he felt. When Blake had turned his chair around and Adam hadn't turned yet, the camera caught a long view of Adam looking at Blake in ways that seemed like he felt the song deep in his bones. He watched Adam almost crumble in ways as Deanna sang, "If you loved me, why'd you leave me? Take my body? Take my body?"

After the fifth time he watched and his eyes were so full of tears he felt he might never be able to stop, Blake closed the laptop and sat with the weight of guilt and shame. He had loved Adam, but he had chosen Miranda over him. He had been the one to end things. He had been the one to ask if they could still be friends for the "bromance" of the show and there was video evidence that he had hurt Adam deeply. Even if the world couldn't tell that Adam's reaction was anything more than the emotions of the song and the way Deanna had sang them, Blake knew the truth.

He cried for so long that he eventually ran out of tears and fell into an exhausted, disturbed sleep. 

When he woke the next day, he was still haunted by the way Adam had looked, by the weight of what could've been different if he had been brave and chosen Adam. If he had paid attention more after they had ended. He found his way to the liquor cabinet and spent the rest of his day drinking until he couldn't remember the way Adam had looked in that video. He drank until he couldn't remember what Adam had tasted like in their first kiss. He drank until he forgot that he still wanted Adam, that he wanted to ask him to leave Behati and make a go of it with him. He drank until he forgot how much he loved him.

The next day he was woken by a relentless noise as his hangover had him regretting the fact that he had a doorbell that rang every where in the house. He tried to ignore it in hopes whoever it was would give up and go away, but when it didn't he eventually dragged himself out of bed and downstairs to the door as he opened it to come face to face with Adam.

He stood frozen trying to figure out why Adam was at his house with a suitcase and looking like he had pulled on the first things he had found on his floor. He moved aside to let Adam in without bothering to ask any questions, because he just wanted the sunlight to stop hurting his head so much.

Adam set his bag down in the living room and walked to the kitchen, still silent, as Blake followed him in the same silence, afraid to ask what was happening. He watched as Adam took a bottle of water out of the fridge and found two aspirin in the medicine cabinet and proceeded to hand them to Blake. 

Blake took them and downed the aspirin with half the bottle of water and tried to figure out where to start. Adam looked angry in someways, but his actions were caring and Blake had no idea how to interpret what was happening. After what felt like hours, but was probably only a half hour, he finally found his head clearing up enough to trying to start the conversation that Adam hadn't.

"Uhm. Hey?"

"Hey back Asshole."

"I'm a little afraid to ask, but why are you here and why are you so angry at me?"

"I need to know if you meant what you said last night. I need you to tell me whether you were just drunk or if you... If you really meant what you said when you called me last night."

"Oh God. I called you? I'm so sorry Adam. I was so drunk and I don't have any right to call you. I know that. I don't know what I said, but I know I shouldn't have called you. I was just so mixed up after... After. Never mind. God. What did I say?"

"What happened Blake? You called me blackout drunk last night crying and saying how sorry you were for hurting me and something about Deanna and that you wished you could take it back and that you wished me and Behati well? I don't know what you meant by all that in your drunken state, but I need to know. I need to know because we never really talked about this and I thought you didn't care, but that call did not sound like a man who had moved on."

Blake looked down, desperate to avoid eye contact. He thought about lying, but he knew this was his only chance.

"Uhhh. Well. I mean there's a lot of reasons I could give you, but I guess the simplest thing I should start with is that I found myself watching old blind auditions on YouTube a couple days ago. I came across Deanna's blind audition and I... I saw you. I saw how indifferent I looked as I nodded along with her song and you sat there looking at me as the lyrics and emotions she was conveying seemed to be what you felt. You looked at me like you loved me and I looked like I didn't care about you, and I guess I was trying too hard then to not care as much that I wouldn't have noticed.

And I know it was a over a year ago that we had that month, but it was the best month of my life. You felt so perfect for me and I got scared, because I never meant to cheat on Miranda and I hated feeling like I had convinced to you cheat on Behati. I let excuses pile up until I broke up with you and threw myself into trying to save my marriage even though I was in love with you and trying to be there for the show. God, Adam. I asked you to still be friends so the show wouldn't be affected and you did.

So yeah. I got drunk. Because I hurt you, and I love you and I'm glad that I'm not hurting Miranda anymore, but I hate that I ruined what you and I had. I ruined what we could've been. And now you're engaged to a Victoria's Secret Angel, and I'm so happy for you cause I want you to be happy. So I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry I called you and dragged you away from your fiancée because I couldn't deal with the realization that I had hurt you so badly when all I want to do is protect you from pain. I'm sorry I'm such a dickhead, but I promise it won't happen again. I won't be problem. I can keep my emotions in check. I won't get between you and Behati and if you don't want to see me anymore I'll leave the show. I'll do whatever you need. I'm just so sorry."

"Well you definitely are a dickhead. I'll give you that." Blake sobbed a laugh at the feeling of familiarity and the pain of the truth about who he was to Adam now. "Let me ask you a question Blake. Why do you think I'm here?"

"Uhm. I guess I thought with what you said about me calling you while I was drunk you were here to tell me off and tell me to leave you alone? To tell me that I'm an asshole and that you couldn't love me after what I did to you and to remind me that you have a fiancée and have moved on. I guess I think you're here to tell me to go to hell?"

"Well then you really are an idiot." Blake finally looked up at Adam at that and found him much closer than he had seemed before when he had been standing across from the kitchen island while Blake sat on a stool with his water. He looked into Adam's eyes and saw something that gave him hope. 

"But... What about Behati?" Adam's hand caressed Blake's cheek in a way that even though it felt like it had been centuries since Adam had touched him like that, it was familiar and intimate.

"Behati and I were never going to work. I was in love with someone else and she knew. She was just kind enough to not tell the press when we called it off a few months ago. She said she'd let me decide when I wanted the press to know. It just so happens that I called my publicist before I got on the plane. It's probably all over the news by now."

"So, that means... you're single?"

"Well I was hoping that might not be the case now. Cause it just so happens that I still love you too. And I can forgive you if you can forgive me. I just want to be with you. For real this time. No sneaking around. No lies. Just two people who love each other. How does that sound to you?"

"It sounds like the best thing I've ever heard in my life."

"And you won't run away scared this time? Cause the press might find out eventually and I really don't think I can handle you leaving me again to prove how straight you are to Nashville and your record company."

"Adam, did you know there's actually a fairly significant list of country artists who have come out as gay and still have successful careers? Because I'd really like to add my name to that list. I'm going to fight for you this time and anyone who can't deal with me loving you can fuck off, but I'm willing to bet that there's a place in this new world for us. So I promise I won't get scared about that. I can't promise I won't be scared about some things now and then but I promise I will stay and be honest with you about them. I'm not gonna let you go this time."

"Good," and with that Adam pulled him into a deep kiss that spoke of love a promises of future happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at heart4hawkeye if you so desire.


End file.
